Grace.

Unless you've been living under a rock i'm sure you heard about the Chris Benoit tragedy. People are asking me why this is bothering me so much. Of course i have the normal humane sadness over 2 innocent lives being taken. I don't feel any sadness for him killing himself because god knows i can understand that, but to take your wife and.........7 year old son down with you...i can't wrap my head around that. Someone said that maybe the reason its bothering me so much is because he had what i want, a wife and a kid, a family of my own. Being able to throw it all away like that is so foreign to me. People are terrible, capable of such terrible things. Sometimes i think i'm a bad person, but after this whole thing went down i feel like i'm really not so bad.


Todays song of the day is Stone Sour - Sillyworld

Freedom's just a word today
Freedom's just a word
When someone takes your word away it's seldom ever heard
So take a sentence full of things you're not supposed to say
Carry on, but don't write it down or you'll be gone

Love is just a song today
Love is just a song
When someone takes the song away
you seldom sing along
So take those lyrics serious and sing your life away
Carry on, but don't write 'em down or they'll be gone

All we ever do is talk
We like to ride but we never walk
We make it so damn easy
We get bored
Why can't anybody see what's good for you is good for me
I can't take your sillyworld
I can't take your sillyworld no more

Peace is just two fingers now
Peace was just a phase
When someone put it on a shirt
you knew to count the days
So take those fingers tape 'em up and shove 'em up your ass and carry on
but don't try it now cause peace is gone

All we ever do is talk
We like to ride but we never walk
We make it so damn easy
We get bored
Why can't anybody see what's good for you is bad for me
I can't take your sillyworld
I can't take your sillyworld no more

We fight our instincts
We go to extremes
We fight our instincts
We go to extremes

Slackjaw

I don't normally do this but im devoting a post to a single song. I listen to a ton of new music, and very rarely does one song really speak to me and put me in a trance...but this song did.

Element Eighty - Slackjaw

No, don't mock me
Don't you look at me, pity me, feel for me
It's okay
look down on me
cause now you're born again, dead again so
now to my face you lie to me
Don't sit there and tell me
you just want to be my friend
don't lie to me
don't sit there and judge me..you don't wanna face yourself
don't lie to me
don't sit there and test me I don't have the patience now
don't lie to me
don't lie to me

All the times I've seen your face
never thought I could erase
and now I watch it slip away
you can never take my place
I don't want this..I don't need this
I will never go away
I leave this all to you to live inside you till you die

No don't mock me
don't you point at me, laugh at me, turn on me
It's okay
look down on me
I will always be what you see so
now to my face you lie to me
don't sit there and tell me
you just want to be my friend
don't lie to me
don't sit there and judge me..you don't wanna face yourself
don't lie to me
don't sit there and test me
I don't have the patience now
don't lie to me
don't lie to me

All the times I've seen your face
never thought I could erase
and now I watch it slip away
you can never take my place
I don't want this..I don't need this
I will never go away
I leave this all to you to live inside you till you die

All the times I need you
you are never there
All the times I need you
you are never there
All the times I need you
you are never there
All the times I need you
you are never there
All the times I need you
you are never there
All the times I need you
you are never there

All the times I've seen your face
never thought I could erase
now I watch it slip away
you can never take my place
I don't want this..I don't need this
I will never go away
I leave this all to you
cause you can never take me..me..me
you'll never take me..me..me
you'll never take me

We're on the road to nowhere, and no one knows the way.

So its been weeks since i've done any illegal substances...which is pretty cool. Although i've been drinking far more than usual...seems like every couple days i get shit-faced now. Not quite sure whats bothering me to the point of wanting to get fucked up all the time. I guess alot of things are, for instance the situation at work. Stupid bullshit is happening and i have a feeling a few of my friends are gonna be looking for a job soon...and there ain't much i can do about it. Oh and it's my birthday on friday and i think i'm having a mid-life crisis...at 26! Alot of people are saying i need to grow up and be more responsible. Some of them seem to be joking around but there is truth in any joke. My mom says i need to stop messing around with girls and actually find one to stick with. I know what they're saying, but do i really need to grow up? I retain enough sense of responsibility while still having fun and acting young...why do i need to change that? It seems like i would be doing that to appease other people and anyone that knows me knows i dont do a damn thing to please anyone else. I am who i am, like me/love me/hate me if you want. But sometimes i wonder whats gonna happen if i don't grow up fully. Am i gonna be one of those 30-somethin guys that has a 22 year old insecure girlfriend with no future? Well its time for Mr. McUgly Pants to wait for the hands of time to age him even more. (btw fuck you for coining that nickname)

Today's song of the day is In Flames - Dead End...god i can't get enough of male/female vocal duets


Save all your prayers
I think we lost today
There's no morning after
And no one's around to blame

I'm not afraid to bleed
But I won't do it for you
We'll start among hypocrites
The melody of our time

[Chorus:]
So say goodbye to the world
We are the dead can't walk the earth
Scream your lungs out
Wait for laughter
You don't have to wait forever
It's the next disaster!

What decides when you've lost the war
When the first man falls?
Or when they erase it all?

We're too numb to feel
The downfall starts here
Hold your breath and swim
Swallowed my life's tear

In times of make believe
No one really seems to care
Maybe I should care less
'Cause I will die too

[Chorus]

What will it take for us to realize
The more we provoke
Winter will come twice

Save all your prayers
I think we lost today
There's no morning after
And no one's around to blame

Scream you lungs out
Wait for laughter
You don't have to wait forever
Here's the next disaster! [2x]