sex, responsibilty and gummi bears

Been a long time since i posted on this. Probably cause everything is kinda bleh. Well maybe not 'bleh' but nothing really exciting is happening lately, other than being handed the responsibilty of a bunch of my friends...which is kinda scary but it's all good. Guess i can't complain about how things are going, i seem to be doing pretty well as far as the things i've been beating myself up over. I guess time really does heal all wounds. Ok on to the geek update...i got level 64 in WoW and i have a new dead horse! And i found out PSP is the single greatest invention in the history of mankind...besides Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat of course. Well for now i need to call Wachovia and tell them to go fuck themselves with a broken bottle...and since i know you're readin this...love ya baby...sorry bout the whiskey dick............................................ummm...............yeah gonna shut up now.

Todays song of the day is Megadeth - 1000 Times Goodbye



The tides of change pulled us apart
I feel a familiar pain
It seems like years since we've loved
Or even liked and that's a lonely way to be

Drifting alone in a sea of agony
Your face I can't recognize
Don't make this hard on us
I will miss you if you just go away

I did no right you did no wrong
Nothing left but wasted days
I regret you leaving
But I will never take you back

[Solo - Pitrelli]

You know what? It's over
I just don't feel the same way as I used to
We've been together forever, but it's over

Goodbye 1000 times goodbye
The thought never crossed my mind
That this would be my last goodbye
Let me put pennies on your eyes
And kiss your lips one last goodbye
My love 1000 times goodbye

It seems nothing good is free
A good thing cost much more than the price
You were good but not that good
Don't kid yourself now it's time to beak up

Drifting alone in a sea of agony
Your face I can't recognize
Don't make this hard on us
I will miss you if you just go away

I did no right you did no wrong
Nothing left but wasted days
I regret you leaving
But I'll never take you back

[Solo - Pitrelli]

Don't call me anymore. It's just not.
I don't feel the same way about you
Its not as good as it used to be

Goodbye 1000 times goodbye
The thought never crossed my mind
That this would be my last goodbye
Let me put pennies on your eyes
And kiss your lips one last goodbye
My love 1000 times goodbye

[Solo - Mustaine]

I'll always love you but just not like that
Like what?
I want to be honest with you I met someone else
You did what?
And I really, I really love him like I used to love you
Remember the time that I told you that
I was going out of town for business?
Well I went to see him
You know what? You suck!

[Solo - Mustaine]

Goodbye 1000 times
You'll always have a special place
In my heart you know that
It's just I can't be with you anymore it's over
Goodbye 1000 times
Things may not work out with him
Goodbye 1000 times
And if they don't
Goodbye 1000 times
Then I'll certainly call you
Goodbye 1000 times
You mean a lot to me
I still really want to be friends with you
I love you like you're my brother

Relapse.

I expected this. This feeling of emptiness overwhelming me again. In the past hour i finally took in the seriousness of knowing i'm going to die young. I realized i will never have a wife, or children. Things happen in weird ways. When i'm at my highest i get knocked down. And in that reason alone i do not believe in God. If He existed why is he making me suffer at every turn? Why did He give me this shit set of cards? Why does He fucking tease me? He puts what i need most at my fingertips, lets me take in the scent, and rips it away from me. My prison will forever be an unloaded gun...

Today's song of the day is Papa Roach - Forever



In the brightest hour of my darkest day
I realized what is wrong with me
Can't get over you. can't get through to you
It's been a helter-skelter romance from the start
Take these memories that are Haunting me
Of a paper man cut into shreds by his own pair of scissors
He'll never forgive her...he'll never forgive her...
Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever
Sitting by a fire on a lonely night
Hanging over from another good time
With another girl... little dirty girl
You should listen to this story of a life
You're my heroine-in this moment I'm lonely fulfilling my darkest dreams
All these drugs all these women
I'm never forgiven..this broken heart of mine
One last kiss before I go
Dry your tears, it is time to let you go
One last kiss

Relinquish.

For so many years i did what my significant others wanted. I changed and molded to adapt to what they wanted. A recurring thing i dealt with alot was being made to feel guilty about sex. A certain person was very bad about it. She actually made me feel like a bad person for wanting her sexually. When we finally did do our thing i always felt immediate guilt...like i did something wrong. One of my more recent relationships saw me being pushed to not do the things i enjoy...namely drinking. Mind you i rarely drink to get drunk, but even 1 or 2 drinks and i knew she was disappointed. But that doesn't bother me now, because i know that girl was out to destroy me. Now i'm finally being accepted for everything i am. So i like to drink sometimes, she doesn't mind. So i still have the sex drive of a 17 year old, she embraces it. So i sometimes get a little crazy and my mind goes in 8 directions, she still follows me. And i accept her for all her faults. I think i finally found someone that fits me perfectly.

Today's song of the day is Walls of Jericho - No Saving Me


Inside these broken lines
A disruption of our lives
Insanity kicks in
And all I see is another dead end
So close your eyes
And escape from what you hide

How long will I take to bleed
There is no saving me
How far will you go to hold on

I'm better off cutting my own throat
In hope for once
That you might hear me
I know I can at least count
On the mess never judging me
I'm breaking out from all I've come to be

Alone I've gone through hell
And back hell and back to try to feel
And there is no saving me