Right now i am at a crossroad in my life. Well not so much a crossroad as a road i'm afraid to tread. When i was 17 i was at a place much like this. Horrible dreams, constant sadness, anger, rage. The only way i was able to pull through that was a very painful 'dehumanization'. I'm not like most people...i can fully repress memories to the point that they are all but gone, but it comes at a price. Pre-17 i was a very smart kid. I almost always had my shit together. I was very calm and focused. Then shit went down that i'd rather not write about, mainly because it's like flashes and fragmented memories in my head now, just as i intended it to be. I've decided i'm taking a week off in april with a couple personals tacked on the front and back...to make a 10 day vacation. That is when i do what i dreaded ever doing again. And no it's not suicide. For those 10 days i'm going to spend it with Steve, alcohol, and weed. I intend to erase the past 6 months out of my mind forever. It's the only way i'll keep my sanity. I'm sad that it came to this but it has to be done. Love isn't something you can simply forget about...it has to be ripped out and murdered for it to be truly gone.
'i tried to forget you as you forgot me, this time there is nothing left for you to take, this is goodbye. Summer is miles and miles away, no one would ask me to stay. And i should contemplate this change, to ease the pain. And i should step out of the way, turn away.'
Today's song of the day is Opeth - In My Time of Need
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment