Here i am doing all the stuff i need to get done for the new workweek in one day. I've gotten good at loafing around and compounding everything into friday morning. So far december hasnt been very kind to me. And its only gonna get worse. Working retail this time of the year is hell. I talked to Sarah last night and she's got it worse than me as far as work goes. I really hope she does ok and doesnt flip out. I'm not sure why i've been writing about my past so much lately, maybe its because its the holidays and i'm a reminicing kind of guy. Also Steve came back up to Jersey about a month ago after being in Texas for a few years. Me him and Matt#3 have been hanging out off and on. Haven't had a chance to talk to Sarah yet (why do my friends all have the same names?) Sarah was someone i really worried about. Its not like she had a particularly hard life or anything. I just saw things about her that scared me. I always thought she would end up pregnent by the age of 17 and watch her life go down the tubes. I worry about people so much...why dont i ever sit them down and talk to them about it? Well on the bright side after talking to my Sarah last night i feel a little better. I'm still so worried about her though. She seems so distant and i feel like its my fault. I hope its just the holiday workload bringing her down, at least that has a clear ending. I hope she knows that i love her and i'm gonna help her though this. I may not be able to help myself but i can help others...thats about the only thing i'm really good at. I'm always able to put a smile on someones face.
Lately i've been having odd dreams. Dreams about her have become the normal thing which i love, but recently i've been dreaming about my future children. I might not be ready at this point in time but dear god i want kids so bad. I want a little daughter i can spoil rotten. I want someone i can shower my love onto and never need to worry about a 'bad breakup.' I know already when my kids enter this world i'm no longer gonna be living for myself. I wanna teach them about life. I wanna show them right and wrong. I want them to learn from my mistakes and lead a better life than i ever dreamed of. But most of all i want them to love their father. I want them to be able to come to me about anything and everything. I never had a good relationship with my father, and i know how hard that is. I guess my last thoughts before i continue Operation Get Ready For Work is i feel alone but its getting better, she's fixing it for me and i love her for that.
Todays song of the day is Joe Satriani - I Believe
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