Just walked into my apartment, as usual its empty. My bed, empty. AIM, empty. Cellphone, calls from people i dont want to talk to. Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? I'm not a bad looking guy i dont think. I have a good sense of humor. I'm not shallow. Yet every single day is a battle...a battle for my sanity. I feel it slipping away as the minutes pass. It's getting so bad i don't know if even she can save me. I've started lashing out at my friends. Fighting with my boss. Pushing everyone away and trying to pull her closer...the only good thing in my life right now. If this is what my life is going to consist of i dont fucking want it, because the only good thing is slipping away from me. With her i saw my pain washed away, without her i see nothing but absolute pain and loneliness. I'm scared. When i was 17 i had a very severe bout of depression...but i worked through it. It stole so much of my being in the process though. I cannot survive another one...my body will surely survive but everything good about me will be killed...and thats all i have left in this world...my spirit. Without my spirit i may as well be dead.
Todays song of the day is Megadeth - In My Darkest Hour
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