Quarantine

I sit and think sometimes about why i can't hold a relationship. I'm not so narrow-minded to think that its always their fault. I know theres something wrong with me. Sometimes i sit for hours trying to figure out what that is. With all the honestly in my mind i can say i ALWAYS try to work anything out in a relationship thats wrong, but it always ends up the same way. I try and connect with people on a spiritual level...and thats only happened twice in my life. Or maybe once. I already know that im capable of love...pure unfiltered love. But maybe my definition of love is different from others. It seems like everytime i really start feeling something for someone they start disappearing. I try so hard. I try to remedy what could possibly be wrong. I try and be there. I've been praying to whatever it is i pray to every night that jan/feb will change that and complete me. But in the back of my mind theres a voice saying 'you can never be with anyone, you're destined to be alone forever' and that voice is crippling me. What it comes down to is i don't wanna be alone anymore, i want someone that will be there for me. Even when i start getting stale they'll be there. Even when i start getting moody they'll be there to bring me back to reality. I want someone that will give me the moral support to make it through the day. I want someone that loves me unconditionally. I think deep down i'm a good person. I would give the shirt off my back to someone if they needed it. I'll go without to help someone in need. Maybe the truest thing i can say to myself is no one can ever love me, because ill end up ruining it in the end. It always has and always will be, My Fault.

Todays song of the day is Alice in Chains - Alone