So i learned this morning that 4 big ass people DO NOT fit in a camaro. Well another weekend in retail hell is in the books, with only 4 stitches to show for it. Why is it the older you get the more you hate the holidays? Same with birthdays. It seems to me that the older you get the more miserable you get. I look at the way my parents were...all they ever did was go to work, come home, eat dinner, fight, and go to bed. I guess all people are like that. Sometimes i look at the generation coming up behind me and worry though. I keep hearing about kids that are 13, 14, 15 losing their virginity. When i was younger i had this misconception that women were more pure and innocent that guys were. How wrong i was. Anna taught me that. It seems like there's no more goodness in this world anymore. Everyone has a hidden agenda. Driven by their most base instinct, myself included. It seems like love is an afterthought. Just flipping through the channels on TV shows me that. Everything is based on sex. Anyways...
Last night i was sitting on the benches on break as usual, when Floyd lights up a joint and asks me if i want an 'attitude adjustment' It really is amazing that people can see how down i've been lately. I told him no. He asked why. I said 'i would disappoint someone i love if i did.' It was at that point when i realized why i'm sober. It's for her. It's always been for her. It's also for me but i feel like i want her to know the 'unpolluted' me. Granted i'm a fun guy when im fucked up, but i really had to close that chapter in my life. Which leads me to another impasse. At work the only 4 people i actually would consider friends outside of work are Joe, Floyd, Pete, and Mike. All of which do drugs regularly. Am i fucked up for trusting them? Well the little trust i can put in a friend. I guess it comes down to who they are after you strip away the drugs and the booze. They've always gone out of their way to make sure i was ok, and i do the same for them. We defend each other when the man comes down on us. And point blank...they are the only reason i'm still working there. It's not the job, it's the people who bring me back there. It's truly amazing how many people have come and gone in that job. Jeff came around on saturday night. He was my jewish nigga. We used to work right next to each other every night and just tear each other apart. 'Us long hairs gotta stick together' I haven't seen Shawn in a long time. He was bar none the coolest boss i ever had. He's only a year older than me so we were on the same level. I remember he used to just sit down where i was working and we would just talk, about nonsense really. I kinda wish things didnt happen the way they did with him. We got a new non-foods girl, and within a month he was dating her, which is a huge no-no where i work. So he got transferred. Last i heard he's been pulling alot of no call no shows and coming in late. Word is he got suspended pending termination, and came back demoted. I should give him a call and see if he's ok. There i go again worrying about people...it's my curse.
Todays song of the day is Nightwish - Crownless
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